Quotes By Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. 
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
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As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.
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I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.
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It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
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